Friday – A Hard Wake-Up Call

This post is for yesterday (Friday), since my site wasn’t live yet, but it feels important to capture.

Starting over always feels like another loop—will this time stick?  Last night we had a traumatic experience at home, separate from the health scare I’ll share below, and it left me shaken and deeply aware of how fragile things feel right now.

Getting Sick After Travel

We had just returned from an out-of-state trip on Monday, and on the drive home I started feeling congested. By Tuesday morning it felt like I’d been hit by a dump truck. Two of our kids had already been sick, so I figured it was my turn, and because I’m immune-compromised, I took it harder. I spent most of Tuesday and Wednesday sleeping, with a low-grade fever Wednesday.

What I Ate

Yesterday I managed to eat some baked chicken thighs and a little mashed potato for breakfast, Neoguri ramen with two eggs for lunch, and a small serving of roast with rice and green beans for dinner. Even so, my sinuses were heavy, my stomach upset, and my body exhausted. Considering my illnesses, I should have been gentler with my food.

A Scary Health Moment

About six hours after dinner (and while we were dealing with the traumatic event), I realized just how bad things were—achy, dizzy, unbearably thirsty, my heart rate high, nothing helped. Out of panic, I checked my blood sugar and saw 290, the highest number I’ve ever seen. If it was that high 6 hours after I ate, how high did it get?! As a diabetic who hasn’t been taking care of myself, it was a scary wake-up call. I sat down, tried to breathe, and prayed for calm.

Today – Small Steps Forward

This morning I woke up tired and scared, not knowing what would happen as a result of the event last night, and what would happen with my body considering everything I have done to it. I woke resolved to stop eating except for maybe once per day. I told myself I have enough stored energy (aka fat) that I didn't need to eat for a long time. I rearranged my schedule and worked out a time to have an emergency session with my coach. She has been a key factor in the changes I've made so far. This year has been rough, like really emotionally difficult for me, and I know it's because of the healing work I've been doing with her (believe it or not). We talked about adjustments I should make, especially from a medical perspective. After thinking about some things logically, I realized I need to move away from self-loathing and move into self-love. I decided instead to listen to my body, and instead of starving myself, I will work towards intentional fasting and prayer.

Finding Unexpected Encouragement

I had a little coffee with half-and-half for breakfast, 2 eggs fried in avocado oil for lunch, and for dinner I had some chili with dairy-free cheese while I watched K-Pop Demon Hunters. It might sound funny, but the movie actually helped prompt me to stay on track and want to do better. Seeing the characters struggle hit so close to home, and I sobbed—it reminded me I’m not alone in these battles. My challenges with self-loathing and negative self-talk has impacted my daily life and my family, and that movie was way more relatable than I expected. Afterward, I went for a slow walk. My heart rate hit 130 almost immediately and I felt lightheaded, so I slowed my pace, but I kept moving. I noticed the beauty in my neighborhood—the flowers, the rainbow-colored bumble bees buzzing, the fountain nearby where I sat and listened to Heal Your Nervous System by Dr. Linnea Passaler. The first hour and twenty minutes resonated so deeply, I felt like she was describing me.

Closing Thoughts

Yesterday was messy, painful, and exhausting, but there were also moments of hope woven through. I’m still here, still trying, and still believing that change is possible.

See you tomorrow. 💙